#Two Homes

At the end of March, my husband and I decided to buy a condo near my family in Maryland, seemingly ending our 25+ years in Colorado. We deliberated for more than a year about the choice, spending almost two months on two separate trips to the East Coast in 2021.

Side note: 2021 shall forever be known to me as the year I spent 16 days - 16 days!!!! - of my life in our car, driving between CO and MD #neveragain.

Additional side note: I recognize my privilege and own it. I know being able to work from home delivers me countless advantages that I haven't earned, yet I reap. I also know that emotions are emotions are emotions, and mine are as valid as anyone else's, regardless of their source.

Grief, conflict (both inner and outer), and anxiety have been showing up for both my husband and me as we viscerally experience what it's like to disrupt our lives and craft a new pathway forward.

Recently, my #twohomes life has shifted to a new stage, one where I find myself exhaling in relief. I realized that I’ve been arm wrestling myself, pitting Fort Collins and Frederick against each other in a useless competition that amps up my stress.

I re-listened to an interview that David Whyte did with Krista Tippett on On Being, and he said something like (I’m paraphrasing here), “When I was 7 years old, I realized I wasn’t supposed to choose between the two places that I love [Yorkshire and County Clare], that feel like home to me even though they are so different. Instead, I was destined to live out the conversation between the two.” Truth. Relief. Embrace.

There are many other areas of my life where I can find peace if I let myself go beyond the binary and false paradigm of a forced choice. I am both Maggie and Margaret. I both love my body and seek to change it. I am both incredibly successful in my work and barely getting by. And I live in two homes simultaneously, my heart always in both places, listening for the song of conversation between the two.